This week has been what could be described as the most mild circle of hell haha Monday kinda sucked because it was my first day of classes and I was assigned (this is a legitimate metric measuring unit) sh!t tons of work, all of which is due today. 2 memos, 4 quizzes, a test, an article, and a group activity. I've done the quizzes. Test, article, and group activity aren't due until 2pm so I figure I have time to write a blog post before I fully immerse my head in one of our study caves. :) I like blogging a lot- it's like an online journal of things you don't mind sharing with other people. It almost lets them step into your shoes.
Anyhow, in this class our prof assigned a group activity. I get nervous in group activities. I have no idea why beside the fact that I don't have a whole lot to say in a class unless I choose to speak.If I'd like to talk, I'd raise my hand. If I'd like to be silent, I'll be silent and observe with my arms crossed and my left leg tapping. So group activities are usually a no-go for me. Too awkward.
In this same class, a very interesting exchange happened; it cemented my view that BYU is really a glorified Disney Movie filled with people who have sometimes the most immature and ridiculous notions. I have to laugh though, it was so incredibly juvenile it was eye-rollingly hilarious haha. We had a general discussion about in-class laptop useage. Our prof didn't say he hated laptops and wanted to banish them to the deep abyss of our satchels, only that he was thinking about their presence and the distraction they could potentially cause (Oh, look! Suzy is on Facebook- awww, she's looking at her wedding pictures...and messaging her husband...while asking him about their baby. Wait, what did Prof say about commas?) but there was a random guy in the front row who said something like,"Using a laptop can be, like, a privilege- if someone notices someone else on Facebook or ESPN or something, a student next to them can say something. That person can then bring candy or donuts or something to the next class." I rolled my eyes and thought, "You have got to be joking." Our prof seemed to think about this but said something about losing half of that day's participation points instead. I didn't mind the whole "bring candy thing"- although I rarely eat candy since I went vegan- even though I thought it was ridiculously juvenile; my problem was the "report your neighbor" bit. For God's sake- I'm 23 years old and we're studying compound sentences, and appositives, for the uncountable time in my undergrad career. If I feel like checking my email for the 30th email I'd received from my ISYS class, I feel like I should be able to do that, especially since I sit in the aisle of the back row. No one's looking at my Facebook. Also, I use my laptop for accessibility reasons- if I have a staring spell, I can listen to the audio I've recorded and rewind to a part I missed. This kid can leave his laptop at home but I'm bringing it. Kid's got issues haha
Despite my good-natured groaning, my prof for the Monday/Wednesday class is incredibly nice; I discovered this when I had a small seizure (I stood up and stuttered something about cookie sheets then happily told the class that I have epilepsy- these are called partial seizures (only one part of your brain is tweaking) haha) in his class and when I came out of it he just said nonchalantly, "That was interesting. You know, you can probably get decently cheap cookie sheets at WalMart." When I looked at him like "Have you lost your mind, sir?" he said, "I think you were having "a moment". (I guess that's what he calls them?)You were telling us the merits of having your mother send some baking pans. Then you told us you have epilepsy. Again, interesting. Just sit and rest then and let me know if you need something. Alright! Back to notes." I blushed so hard I thought my face would explode with heat but it was a new sensation- the blushing quelled after a bit when I thought about the whole situation. The prof didn't make me feel like a freak, he didn't make a huge fuss out of it, and he didn't really care. It was like I'd asked a question and he was simply answering it. Monday ended nicely I suppose- dinner, bed. I had dry Top Ramen for dinner- a serious indication of my need to go to the grocery store. Ahh the life of the uni student... :)
Yesterday was hard too- it started off with a rather hurtful exchange of texts in which someone asked me why I asked them a favour but didn't ask how they were doing. They said, "You never even call me. Do you even care?" It put me on the defensive and I responded in kind with how hurt I felt that the only time they ever ask me how I'm doing is when I'm doing something epileptic or laying in a hospital bed; I took it further with the mention that phones work both ways. They called me a few minutes later but it was awkward because they probably wouldn't have called me if I hadn't said anything. They aren't really open about the reasons behind their actions so misunderstandings between this person and myself are frequent. Probably because we're alike in more than a few ways; we both have a tough exterior but have very soft hearts. "Keppra Moments" come on very strongly when someone says something that really digs into my side. I get upset in a more extreme (that's too harsh of a word) way than I would without the Keppra. I think it's the Catholic guilt ;)
On Tuesdays I don't have classes until 4pm when I'm TAing the university's Irish dance classes but I was on campus working on my FIP (an enjoyable but long degree requirement) since 9AM. I sunned myself in a few-and-far-between on-campus nap (I felt like a hypocrite as I take those Sleep and Creep pictures...it was almost with one eye open lest someone feel the desire to snap a picture of me sleeping haha), went to Irish, then my ISYS class which lasts 2 hours in a dark room (a recipe for awake fail). I was afraid as well about the contrast- when he was scrolling down I got an aura. It kind of freaked me out. I don't like that feeling at all (it's not like I don't know what could happen haha).
After ISYS I decided to head back to the library and work on FIP some more- I didn't even get the chance to sit down and take out my earbuds before this random guy started grilling me. I was like ??? as I didn't even know the guy and had never seen him before. What's your major? How long have you been here? Have you served a mission? How old are you? Are you getting any minor degrees? Why is it taking you 5 years instead of 4? Are you done with your religion credits? Whew, slow down man! I couldn't work on my FIP with him talking to me incessantly like that and this stuff was...uh...let's see...none of his business? I was getting annoyed with him. I needed to work on this thing and I would smile and say, "Yes. Excuse me, I need to write something.", put in my earbuds and try to drown him out, but he would touch my arm, forcing me to take out my headphones, and engage in yet another conversation. I love meeting new people and talking but not when I'm trying to complete an extensive task! He was talking to me about Mormonism, he's philosophical Christian and I'm more Catholic than anything else at this point in my life (I realize constantly how very little I know about the Mormon church, which makes me feel like quite a bit of an outsider), but it was pretty harsh observations and though we were in the No Shh Zone I wanted to be like, "Dude, keep it down. They're going to kick us out if they hear you talking like that and I'm over this philosophical debate about Catholicism and the vows I made in the Catholic church and how they could be wrong. I want to write a program plan for a girl in the state hospital who is contemplating suicide, okay? Please just shut up! Thaaaank you!" :)
I stayed until about 10:45 and my FIP is almost done but I'm going to ignore anyone who accosts me in attempt for a conversation. Unless it's an EMT- then I'm always grateful to talk. Those guys/girls are my fecking heroes. I love them deeply. I'm their favourite epileptic...we all know that haha
Anyhow, I got off-track. During this annoying exchange, I felt an aura. I smelled bleach (an indicator) and paint but they had been doing construction so I figured my nose was a bit plugged and I was "smelling wrong" haha. I continued to type FIP and my fingers felt cold all the sudden...then they became numb. Aura!! Yay!
I packed my satchel, nodded at Philosophy Dude like "Bye..." and walked up to the security desk and asked to have EMTs look after me while I seized. They called 911, which made me feel really bad, and they took good care of me but during my pre-ictal phase I wanted to sit up- they didn't realize I was in a seizure state and so when I fell I hit my face on a desk. Cue copious amounts of blood. To make matters worse, my clonic movements had me kitting my own knuckles into my face, smearing the blood everywhere and making it come even faster. Add drool on top of that and you have an extremely sexy combination.When I was postictal I was upset because I'd ruined (admittedly one of my very favourites) my shirt and I was having trouble thinking clearly. I was still in a seizure state. The BYU police woman who'd arrived first drove me home in one of the police cars- it was embarrassing though because I couldn't walk well enough so they wheeled me out (it was 11:45 so everyone was peaceing out of the library as fast as possible) on a stretcher and everyone was staring. I was covered in blood and was still a bit twitchy and I was stuttering a lot so I can see how that had merit but it was still awful. I soaked my clothes in cold water but there was so much blood it looked like someone had taken red food dye and squirted it evvvvverywhere. It was awful. I had to drain the sink about 6 times to even get slightly clear water. Nasty.
Anyway, I got about 5 hours of sleep so I'm probably going to seize again. I'm strangely okay with this- I'm going to sleep the whole day tomorrow anyway so I don't see a problem except for the EMTs are going to come again and I'll feel guilty. They were assuring me though that I was "a champ" as I was so well-prepared for everything (extra trousers, a sticky note with meds/my "not-injured no hospital" instructions/ a funny note for the EMTs/ my pill bottle with meds (it was 11 when they arrived and I was supposed to take them at 9 but Mr. Philosophy kept talking for ages so I wasn't able to get up to a water fountain...dumb). They were telling me about a guy a few years before that had epilepsy as well but he never took his meds so they went for him allllll the time. They were like "Seriously, that was annoying because he totally could have at least tried to do something about it. At least your doctors are working with you and you're trying to get control over everything. We're cool with coming to you- you have a great attitude and we basically just have to make sure you don't bang into stuff."
That's me, an exemplary patient! Even after some sleep I still feel like I got kicked in the face. My nose feels broken (it's not) and if I touch it wrong (I put Vaseline in my nose at night to keep it from getting too dry) the blood begins pouring.
I just have to get through FIP and this business class. Aaaaaaaah.
After the business class I can stumble home, slip into some dance leggings, pull my duvet over my head, and glide into sweet oblivion at 5:30. I'll probably sleep 15 hours. It's going to be wonderful!
-Epic Epileptic.
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